Memories of Activism.... reflections series one

I remember the times when I had joined the ranks of the Progressive movement. I was then filled with anger and hate..... seeing a disparate and corrupt system and guided by the readings made from Idealist thinkers and imaginers... I moved forward with the idea that "People of the World, unite,... You have nothing to lose but your chains..."

I remember my Uncle when he heard I joined an activist group,"There you go... dreaming an impossible dream and fighting a unwinnable war..destined for failure."

But then young people, filled with zeal, idealism and hope..... joining ranks with others respecting the prowess of the working class and the proletariat... moved forward.

Why did I become an activist? personally it happened it during a time I was in my youth... it was a time I was searching for meaning... for vision... when I was facing personal problems and was in a crisi on what to do with my life.... and when I was confronted by peers who convinced me that it was worth it fighting for rights.... I simply took the opportunity.

My readings as early as when I was in fifth grade influenced me a lot. Das Kapital.... some books on socialist thinkers like the works of Rosa Luxemborg, Antonio Gramsci and others... these ultimately lead me on that path.

But emptiness, also was one reason why i continued on that path, anger, loneliness , a deflated ego . These things led me to a lot of paths, training, realizations and opportunities. But it also led me to a path of Bias and contradictions.

However, the opportunity came for me to seethings in a new light. From a young age, perhaps I felt that indeed there was a distinct presence that guided me, even when I was in a state of stupor and darkness, it managed me to be brought back to the light. When Islam dawned in my life... it showed me a reason why things happened... it also eventually sharpened my knowledge, wisdom... it also made me more of an activist of a sharper nature......

But as time passes by and age mellows the zeal of youth... and maturity clarifies the vision..... eventually... that path that I always treaded was eventually brought to a fork road... leading me to a path that brought me away from it.

When you start becoming a Parent

Its a joy when one becomes a parent, to embrace and smell the fragrance of your child, to smell his hair, to enjoy him grow up... and to talk to him when he still in his younger years.

One of the happiest memories of my being a father was when I recited the adhan and iqamah in my children's ears. It was as if I had felt that I was reciting the Adhan and Iqamah for the last time in my life.

During my earlier days as a father, they were one of the hardest. I had to wake up early to buy fish at Malabon fishport and arrive on time to be able to sell the fish at a minimal profit so that I would have regular customers. I believed that it would be better to have 20 customers and gain a few extra pesos than have difficulty getting people to buy from me.

I simply did what I had to do, I sold fish and swallowed every oounce of pride I had in me, himbly peddling fish from house to house, I prayed everyday that I had enough money to be able to buy my son milk, rice for us, and save enough money for the rental of the small shed we called home. I soon went also to selling pandesal after arriving from market, then selling fish as I ran out of fish to sell during the day. It was funny, but I felt God's presence and love during those most trying of moments. These days, I have to pray and meditate real hard just to feel his pressence in my everyday work.

I could even bring my children to the mosque those time, and we'd pray together. All those times made me very happy. Bringing my children in the mosque and praying with them. they were the most happiest moments I ever knew.

I could even recite longer ayah's and surah's from memory.

Yes, It is so happy to become a parent, it makes one very happy and fulfilled.

When one sees them go to school, when one sees them arrive from school, and whenever they kiss you... and whenever they embrace you.... It is a feeling one can never exchange.

These things are the things that make you happy. when you answer their questions, when you play and make jokes with them.... yes... it is indeed the joys of being a parent....